kdg2 rasa nak putus asa dgn hidup...
bukanla nak kata kufur nikmat kan tp kecewa dgn diri sendiri bila hidup selama 25 tahun ni, aku xpernah capai apa yg aku nak
sesal pon dah xbaper nak berguna sgt la kan.
alhamdulillah...i have a job.kejer yg kebanyakan masanyer buat aku ttekan giler2 tp kdg2 cikgu2 sek tu la yg buat aku sedar tujuan hidup ni.tp...layak ker aku?y am i asking dis q?sbb i never do anything right.ader je salah..walopon kecik tp kalo dhimpun, menyesal seumur hidup.cthnyer...kejadian smlm, RALAT giler!!!hari ni...lg satu kejadian.selalunyer kejadian2 ni akan buat aku sedar yg aku ni gagal sbg individu.sentiasa nak kena ader oang yg buat checklist tuk aku.

Ya Allah, aku tau ini suma adalah cara kau tunjuk kasih sayang Mu.dan aku tau Engkau menguji aku krn aku mampu tp semakin lama aku mula terasa bodoh, aku mula terasa malang.maafkan aku Ya Allah..

Hari ni aku rasa xnak kawin.
sbb aku sedar aku masih xmampu buat keputusan sendiri.
walopon punca kebengagan aku terhadap diri sendiri hari ini kecil berbanding smlm, tp ia ttp membri kesan n impact yg mampu membunuh.
maaf mak...bkn sesajer jer nak buat keputusan sendiri tp tempah baju jer pon.i tot it was going to be ok.xtau plak bila dpt tuh nak jd sempit segala kan.mak nampak kecewa...mungkin sbb mak tau anak dier xkan jd mcm pengantin lain on their big day.

n aku betul2 rasa xnak kawin.

subhanallah

i woke up at 4 dis morning and read dis msg...thanx to ceno.she forwaded to me yesterday n xsangka i really need it today.

Dari Imam Al-Ghazali:
ketika aku mohon kekuatan, Allah beri aku kesulitan sehingga aku kuat,
ketika aku tidak pernah menerima apa yg aku pinta, Allah memberi apa yg aku perlukan...

(sebenaryer...msg ni panjang lagi...tp dua baris ayat ni cukup bermakna hari ni)

yer...sgt dalam maksudnyer.Allah punya jawapan tuk setiap apa yg berlaku dlm hidup kita.setiap buruk ader baiknya.dan apa sahaja yg dtg dr Allah hanyalah demi kebaikan kita.DIA MAHA TAHU.hari ini, aku belajar utk menerima segala ketentuan nyer.bukan la maksudnya selama ni xpernah terima, tp aku ngaku kekadang kita mudah menyalahkan oang lain atas kecuaian sendiri.hari ni...satu lg bukti, aku ni absent minded.jiwa kosong!!!!

today had been a terribly bad day.im having emotional break down (xsudah-sudah kan) n thanx to ceno n zai im able to laugh walopon diiringi tangisan.amazingly, baba langsung xmara sy n we didn't even fight over d matter.

betul...sayer guru siswazah.sejajar dgn jolokan itu....sayer sentiasa cuba sedaya upaya menurut perintah dari pihak atasan.u are open to judge me any way u want but i determine to change and im taking it one step at a time or maybe i need a bigger step dis time.im not egois...but i am a grown up , a lady indeed.i have dignity.pls...dont treat me like im kindergarten.like an uneducated junk.

its raining cats n dogs the whole of my day.
i love rain
it calms me
alhamdulillah...i know Allah loves me
i've been n still crying now n Allah permit the rain to be with me n calm me.
Allah xkan menguji n menduga lebih dari kemampuan kita.
makanya...sy bersyukur atas kejadian hari ini.
sayer patut belajar n bukan menagisi walopon ader la sedikit ralat kan.

im going to be busy again tomorrow...menyiapkan segala keje tertngguh.lucky me, esok budak start peksa n i hope they'll do well for their first time dis year.

lesson plan

waktu cuti yg xmenentu dah buat sayer lost trach with my lesson at school..

wah!terrible sbb dah lupa mana nak start wat lesson plan.

belom study tok temuduga la...emmm, im getting too comfortable ngan cuti nih.dasat kan?

my first time (i hate being sick)

pertama kali.....dimasukkan ke wad.sebenarnya xsakit...
tp the infection had caused mt feet to swollen sampai keras, reddish n hot.sbb tu asik kena demam panas.

smlm sahaja, darah diambil 3 kali untuk ujian darah.selepas lima kali ujian...confirmed sayer xder diabetis.alhamdulillah.so, what caused the infection?i have no idea.sayer xtpijak duri....xtepijak kaca.cuma ulat air yg bersarang at my left foot and now causing infection not only on my bare skin but also darah sayer.yer...darah sayer telah tercemar.

bila d'beritakan yg sayer terpaksa dmasukkan ke wad...im worried about all m job.kejer tertangguh.kesannya, puan gpk telah menelepon aku sepetang td berbincang ttg penyata kewangan koko yg sepatutnya aku hantar kepadanya hari ini.i've also missed my english panel meeting today.n i also will miss watching the netball tournament in jementah.

kelaur dr wad...dberi mc 7 hari sehingga 24 minggu depan.a loong break.alhamdulillah...i really need it since doc said berjalan n berdiri lama juga punca bengkak tu menjadi2.still...cuti pon xmcm cuti.kena siapkan soklan pk....next week kena siapkan budak cheerleading.sayer dah dpt lagu n gerak tarinye.kak binah will demonstrate dat.not me..hehe.n d most importante is my interview!it is on 25..hehe.rasa cam coti sebulan plak.bleh kira baper kali aku g sek bulan nih.

sian encik tunang...asik msg je kater malangnyer dier xder transport nak dtg n see how im doing.hmm...saper suh tinggal kete kat penang?mak n baba sgt riso tgk sayer masih bergerak ke sana sini.
baba kata "oang bagi rehat tu..rehat la" huhu
malangnya sayer xbleh...tons of workload.sayer suka bekerja...sayer suka membusykan diri.

interview

i've been called for interview...
nak baca apa ekh?aku dah lama xmembaca benda2 fakta ni.
excited gak sbb aku ni kan suka bercakap..hahaha

kena interview kat muar plak tuh...hehe.suka...suka..suka

alhamdulillah

i am on mc today due to the infection and swollen feet.
alhamdulillah...the blood test went well, everything is normal.i don have diabetis and my calorie level is also ok.
again, alhamdullillah...walopon gemuk la kan.

so, i decided to finish all the unfinish bussiness.after the blood test (uh!i fell in front of the clinic sbb sebelah kaki termasuk dlm lubang kecil.it hurts and rasa diri tersangat lah malang), i went to the bank to pay the car instalment.about the car - many people has been asking me why did i bought se, why not just take the regular myV.why not?as if u r going to pay for it!xperla kan...
anyway..back to my unfinish bussiness.after the bank, i went to SAJ to pick up my rings (i sent it for repair).masa dekat SAJ tu, everyone was
"EH, ni anak kak esah yg dekat opis lam akita tu eh?"rasa cam popular giler.
The SAJ staff moved from the old office when i was in standard six.sbb 2 they all cam.wah!dah besar.kalo jumpa kat luar mesti xkenal.dah kejer?dok mana?dah kawin?n so on...hehe.sbnanyer mak yg glamer.ku tumpang glamer jer.

balik umah, wat lesson plans for today n tomorroe.since i have tuisyen class till ten, i need to finish half of it by day.my SBT class will start tomorrow.need to plan what to teach n decided to preapre the same things dat i prepare for my year 4 n 5 pupils at home.

ptg, pg bola jaring.

n i just finished my tuisyen class.
now settling some work for my Ko-Kurikulum schedule n sorts.
there goes my mc.i can hardly walk...but still AS BUSY AS A BEE.kalo x, camner nak bayo duit keta?camner nak bg mak ayah makan?camner nak baya duit tenet?api air segala?huh?
so...alhamdulillah. i still have a job.

infection

ceno ngan zye dah biasa when i said i got infection...
yes,i got d infection again
went to d clinic last since its getting worst.my foot has swollen and reddish. my body temperature increased and too turn reddish.
dr aznil yg cute dan baik hati gave me an injection n he called me adik.sweet huh..usually a doc will call u cik or awak or any formal nick, but he called me adik.

d worst part is takut diabetis.no...horror!