sedih sgt rasa bila suami minta maaf berkali2.bukan...suma yg blaku skang ni bkn salah dier n i know he is trying really hard to makes things better.i just hate being stuck here n do not know which way shud i go...i hate waiting n didnt know -until now dat Allah is testing my biggest fear.

all i can do is keep praying dat i have kesabaran n ketabahan.praying dat i wont burst - worst then what i have done yesterday.poor him...i didnt mean too.really...im sorry dear hubby.im really sorry.i just hate being away from u n d fact dat u r not here to see adam growing up.

but i believe in Allah n i know u do 2.let us never stop believing in his greatfulness...He is indeed t most merciful.there will be a silver lining in this big mess cloudy day.insyaAllah....

perihal susu

the tittle speak for itself...

im actually a lil allergic to milk.powder especially.tp ini bukan perihal aku terminum susu basi or whatever....tp my whinning pasal betapa aku sedih bila baca post a lot of people pasal menyusu bayi mereka sepenuhnya dgn susu ibu.

kebetulan plak...baca tafsir hari tu, kena kat surah al baqarah tu.bertambah la sedih walopon dllm ayat tu kater bila mampu.sedih sbb xmampu langsung nak sampai 6 bulan pon.oang kata susu ibu ni akan rapatkan lg bonding anak2 ngan ibu.lg bertambah sedih n takut.tp boleh kan tanpa susu ibu yg byk tuh adam n maybe my other children rapat ngan aku?

tp marah pon ader bila oang yg dpt menyusu anak sepenuhnya tuh mcm bangga giler(mmg la bangga n happy n sewaktu dgnnya bila dpt menyusu sepenuhnya) tp kalo bangga sampai ckp oang lain xberusaha n xpositif nak menyusu anak...2 apa cer?pls people...mungkin ader oang lain yg pilih untuk tidak menyusu anak dier but not me.

the q is...sounds xlogik ke kalo ibu tu xdpt menyusu anak dier?mmg semua ibu ader byk bekalan susu?coz from what i heard ader ibu yg mmg kurang susu kerana faktor penyakit n sort...n dat brings to another q...aku sakit apa ekh?

huhu...

postnatal.

with a blink of an eye...dah nak abih dah tempoh pantang yg xseberapa.sbb sakit dlm tempoh berpantang ni, kena gak kuar rumah g carik penawar - jap pg klinik, pg farmasi, pg mintak tangkal bagai.rasanya selama 40 hari tempoh berpantang ni, yg teruk pantang mkn n kena mkn akar kayu bagai.mak xsempat nak buatkan tungku n tangas tuh.lgpon, oang umah ni cuma risau pasal kaki yang bengkak n bernanah ni.apa sebenar penyakit yg hinggap kat kaki ni sampai xleh tdo mlm?sampai menangis lebih dr adam - mlm jer merengek sakit kat mak sbb rasa xdaya, demam n menggigil.makanya....mak n baba sibuk carik ubat tuk kaki ni sampai lupa aku ni masih dlm tempoh 40 hari tuh.kkkdg tu dgr jugak baba sebut - jgn membongkok sgt.peranakan blom baik lg tuh.dgr jugak mak ckp - nak tdo baring lek lok, peranakan blom baik betul tuh.



sometimes i feel like giving up.biarlah kaki tuh...nanti dier baik cndr.i am busy adjusting my new role in life ttba singgah pula penyakit lain.makanya pantang ni tumpangla sekali berpantang tuk kaki ni.jap2 g klinik...pas2 g cari tangkal plak.bila mlm jer demam, mula la sayu ati tingat suami yang jauh.kalo x kuat iman...rasanya mau meroyan.nasib baik im surrounded by most loving people.ader kwn memberi nasihat...ader kuarga yg beri kekuatan.kdg2 mak pon menitik air mata sambil urut kaki.xtdo tgk kan adam.alhamdulillah...adam plak xkuat meragam.menangis bila perlu jer.cuma skang ni xleh tdo kalu bukan ngan ibu dier.mak kata...anak tu tau mak dier sakit.tau abah dier jauh...

moga dengan ujian n dugaan ni iman n takwa makin tinggi...makin takut n sayang pada ALLAH.
moga sakit cepat sembuh,moga suami cepat dapat kerja n moga cepat dapat bersama.

im a mother

cam xcaya...im a mother.
n rasanya....ntah, on d 1st day tuh mmg excited tgk muka anak.bila husband dah balik penang, badan letih bjaga mlm, nak jaga pantang lg...terus rasa tense.makanya selepas 2 minggu AHMAD ADAM ARIFFIN dlahirkan, aku malas nak pk ttg apa2 pon.kalo x...bleh meroyan rasanya.

1st time mother mmg xder experience jaga bbdak kan.aku sgt nebes bila mak kata mak nak pg ke mana2 n tingallkan aku sorang diri ngan adam.lg la rasa nak nangis.alhamdulillah...adam anak yg baik.xpernah meragam....bgn n menangis skit2 bila lapar jer.waktu yg lain...dier tdo jer.nak cpt besa.hehe...

YA ALLAH...AKU MEMOHON HIDAYAH MU AGAR AKU DPT MENDIDIK ANAK YANG KAU AMANAHKAN INI MENJADI HAMBA MU YG SOLEH..ANAK PENYEJUK HATI KAMI SUAMI ISTERI SEMASA HIDUP DAN SETELAH KAMI PERGI NANTI.AKU JUGA MOHON KEKUATAN DARI MU YA ALLAH AGAR AKU DAPAT MELALUI WAKTU2 SUKAR INI DENGAN BAIK.TIADA KELUH KESAH...HANYA REDHA KERANA MU.

buat sementara ni,xmampu nak pk pasal anak ke 2 dan seterusnya.masih terasa lagi sakit melahirkan adam.

embedded

biasalah dalam idup ader benda kiter nak ingat n ader benda we wish we never had pon...

lately, tingat my so-called fren. a so-called fren dat makes me feel stupid everytime nama dia terimbas dlm ingatan...i wish u cud go away.aku nak amnesia part dier jer....bleh?hehe

zai kater...we r haunted by our past.its embedded...

bable

smlm ader tukang urut datang rumah.bro and SIL is trying to conceive.poor them...but im not writing di s entry for them...it is all about me.

sambil mengurut my SIL, saya tumpang sekaki.since my feet is sooo swollen now and started aching everytime i touch it. n mak cik tukang urut started talking about how big it is being preganant n being a mom n a wife.she said dat no matter what, the husband shud try to share the pain n tiring experience.

n i started feeling...well, sedih coz i barely share my moments masa tgh mengandung ni dgn sesaper pon.husband is currently away n so does mak n baba.most of the time i was alone.n mak cik tukang urut understood.she said...Allah jer tau perasaan kena tinggal time ngandung ni.n i agreed...totally.

sorry if my entries sound melodramatic lately.it is because thats what i feel lately.tired n drain.oang nagndung biasa craving for food but im craving for a good getaway...bila la dpt pegi ekh.now pon dah start perintah berkurung...emmm

idle

i have left my blog in idle for a long time aite?
not dat i don have anything to talk about...i have a lot of things going around me lately. it just that im not a got story teller..

well...to talk about being pregnant is one thing. there are a lot of new experience that makes me appreciate dis life more n of course my mother more. im in my six monts of pregnancy now n yes, there are a lot of difficulties other than wonderful experience coz of the overweight status im holding.as soon as i can feel the baby moving in me..i cant really wait for him or her to come out.really...im anxious but at the same time feels afraid as im not sure if i am able to be a good mother.but hey...ALLLAH knows whats best for us aite?HE definately knows im ready.masa scan baby was the most amazing moment...the heartbeat n all just fascinating.subhanallah...there is a living thing inside me!

unfortunately, with dis wonderful news come a bad one too.my husband have to quit his job n move back to penang earlier than we plan.its the hardest thing that i have to face now.since i heard the news almost two monts ago....im mentally ill.masa bcinta xperla nak PJJ, but now that im pregnant, i really hope that he'll be beside me all the time, to support and love me more.
in addition to that, mak n baba is always away n as im typing this...there are in Perak for i do not know how long.

work is not helping too.i have to teach year six dis year along with another super senior english teacher who has been teaching year six like forever.we ought to do team teaching actually but rite now we're separating the class n i really have no idea on how to get on with it.

or maybe im just losing my focus because im away from my husband?!n being left alone most of the time isnt helping me much.oang kater masa ngandung ni jgn slalu stress as it will affect the baby's being when he or she is born but i really have no idea on how to just go through dis without tears.im faking a smile sometimes but talking with the baby helps sbb anak sy sgt aktif di dalam.it actually responds to me...