Monday, September 29, 2008


seronoknya kalo ader pendirian..sonoknya kalo tau apa yg kita nak dlm idup..;not dat i donno what i want in life.but im very bad in thinking.i don like choices, options all becoz im bad at making decision.i sumtimes made wrong decision and affected others around me.i remember crying when tickets to kl runs out i donno any other way i can get tears fell down out of panic..i hate dat.i easily experience emotional breakdown - there's a small voice in my head dat never stops telling me how stupid i am, n always reminding me of all my weaknesses instead of making me feel proud of what i do no smart and not beautiful either.sigh....but i know im exist because of stg n dat is becoz ALLAH wants me here... folks are officially closing their stall at Jalan Gudan Ubat.we produce a lot of memories there.i was there since i was 11 and my lil sis was not even in kindergarten.helping them right after school everyday ha leave me to washed my school uniform everyday just to make sure i came to school with my best state. you know how people work at dining or stall...sambal suka nak mercik2 kat baju sekolah yg putih bersih.i fell a lot of time there..tempat jatuh lg dkenang kan.pernah jugak tdo atas meja just to make sure we'r not late for the national day was huge!ramai gile oang...thanx to all your sacrifices mak n baba, we r what we r time for you to take a deep breath live your life at ease.i know u have been though a lot.
its our time now....poor mom, she couldn't let go n cried yesterdayas she was sewing n reminiscing the time from the very moment she started the business..

insyaALLAH....i hope i can perform my duty well as a daughter.i'll make use of this 7 months with you

Sunday, September 28, 2008




i always dream n still hoping i can one teacher dat can inspire my pupils to learn, only because they need to be an A class type of pupils..but because education is the most important thing in life - im not gonna elaborate more on dat.

i just want to share with you guys today about a story i watched dis afternoon on HBO channel called THE FREEDOM WRITERS. dis story is about a teacher name erin (hillary swank).she teach english to a class where the students are stigmatized as failure. the school is facing greatest war of rasisisme n erin - a white teacher is teaching to a multiracial class consist of african american, latino, cambodian and there is only one white boy in her class.she came to class with just to teach but find it hard one when she found out dat almost all her students are involved with gangs.see...they feel secure to walk around their neighbourhood by joining gangs that can protect them.they don really care bout the of the girl is there because her parol officer forced her to go.

despite the fact that all of her students always makes fun of her - she teach english, she keep on trying.she came to the class the next day by using topac to teach poem!n stating dat day, some of her students listened topac a lot.i hope i can do dat!
she starts a writing journal where all student must write in everyday about what they feel.all of them has a different saw with her mother being abused right before her eyes, many of their family is in prison and all of them are prejudice towards white people,some carried gun just to feel safe n saw his friend died from a gun shot.they believe they are in war, to survive.they don need to come to school n they don see whaeducation can do to thme.erin did not receive any support from the school because her students are drop outs who hardly read thus its useless to supply them with book dat they cannot read.she disagree...

she had to work as a salesgirl to collect the money to buy them a book to of the book called DIARY OF ANNE FRANK.a story of a refugees...a story dat is called to their heart.she works at a hotel to collect money to ake them on a field trip.away from violance.what touches me is one boy lost his home and his spirit to learn .but when he thinks about Erin, he knows there is a place that he can called home.he'll be happy when he is in her class.

erin tried everything...bring them to museum, road trip n such just to make sure they have interest to learn. do you know that the education there are based on cluster?all the curiculum n decision that related to the policy of education is in the hand of the principal.n its not easy to make them agree to all her plan.the school doesnt want to spend money for those hopeless teenager.poor thing eh...the stigma and discrimination is awful.integration is still an issue n black people fighting hard for a place in the society.n she published all the journal her students write into a book call the THE FREEDOM WRITERS.

im no good with review but erin touched every heart in dat class n wish i cud do the same.sacrifice everything just to seek for my pupils attention.did i mention her husband left r because he felt left out?well, not dat i want my husband to leave me but i just need my pupils to understand the reason of me standing in front of them everyday, trying hard to make them understand me n enjoy day...i hope i can be dat kind of teacher.teacher who inspire n live my pupils dream.amin....

Friday, September 26, 2008


i started my day with a wonderful smile - well, i try my best to put up that wonderful smile. i have prepare enuff duit raya for my 1S pupils.not to underestimte them but aku budget there will only be 7 pupils dat can answer correctly.keep on reading eh....i'll prove im right.well, the duit raya is only to motivate them since they show no interest to learn at all and exam is coming!

i reach school and still smiling when i remembered the raya card that i wish i can give to my class n 3 additional cards to reply for those yg suka nak pecahkan kaca n gelas.hehe....well, i left them at home.a bit frustrated coz theres always things dat i forgot - may i remind you, today's post will be a bot lengthy.pls bare with me..kuih raya is still coming into bilik guru.haih...sedap jugak kalo dpt beli popia yg comel2 tuh.

ada majlis perpisahan tuk cikgu praktikum..remind me of the memory i had in ayer pa'bas with aesha and all the pupils.i still cherish my first experience of teaching.i tot i was ready back then, but little did i know that it is not easy to work with children.YA ALLAH, I NEED PATIENCE TO PERSUE MY PASSION IN HIS JOURNEY.i cannot let myself rasa penat sgt.whats more bila pikir i still need 2 wait for 2 months for my gaji.2 looooong months.imagine, skang baru end of september.lama betul!dgn kering kontang ni...i hate asking people for money mcm mintak belas kasihan n simpati apatah lg menembah senarai utang!dh 4 bulan xmkn fastfood nih.coklat pon xmampu nak beli..

anyhow...thanx to sk ayer pa'abas for all your support.

then...majlis dteruskan dgn acara memberi duit raya pd murid.i really tot d money is from d school, rupanya cikgu tu personally nak bg and she gives it to ALL pupils.murah rezeki cikgu tu kan.sonok je tgk bebudak beratur, salam for d duit raya.FYI - cikgu tu pakai tudung pink dalam gambar.

its 1110...time for my class with ready with duit raya and the pupils were called one by i tot....hanya 6 oang saja dpt spell it right!haih..2 minggu, ari2 ulang sunday sampai saturday.xpela...budak2 kan.they are never serious.

i reached home, feeling restless gile, gastric n xleh nak i was watching tv while thinking what kind of teacher i'll be, OPRAH said, one person at a time, that is how we can change the world.yes, maybe if can change myself to be more positive towards the kids, then i can change them. there's one scene that really touch.there were 64% of high school students felt left out becuse of their size, shape n colours.i cried...realizing how i live my life for the past 15 years when i started gaining weight.

as i was crying, in tense of my physical being...received a msg from a fren saying tht she has receive her salary.haih....down!giler!dats when i decided to sleep n not doing anything except watching tv waiting for buka time.i ignored my mother until now and all her nagging. im actually used to it.

tried to sms my fiance...XDER KEDIT PLAK!SENGAL!

blast from the past

ithis is just a test bcoz its look like im stuck on 12 SEPTEMBER 2008! moving on.its written on d particular post

i need to continue my journey!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

in RAYA mood

bilik guru is empty due to renovation. malangnya...suma brg dihumban ke kelas aku..huhu.when i came in to teach, all the pupils are not paying attention.maybe sbb byk buku n dah mcm rasa malas nak blajo ah tuh. cecikgu pon dah semangat nak bercuti.walopon kuiz kemerdekaan sedang berlangsung, ironinya ia diringi ngan lagu raya.CELEBRATION!!!

emm...aktiviti masa lapang di bilik guru yg lapang - salain resipi kuih raya dr majalah kak binah.she's cool!selama ni xpenah amik kesempatan bbual ngan seniors kan.maybe because she is in her late 20 thus more like my big sis at home.bila nak buat kuih?next week kot...since im d one left at home.selama ni bila balik dah berbalang kuih siap.a lot of thing is happening, spirit of fasting is fading in our house - sunyi waktu berbuka n bersahur - so...we have to keep THE RAYA spirit strong!lets forget the black sheep.HATE HER!!!

i overheard my parents talking yesterday.they tot i was sleeping...actually,i don. they decided to quit working - no more meniaga for sis said we can support them.yes...its about time rite.they have been through a lot.before we came to segamat..baba did more than one job.never had the chance to meet him.woke up to school, baba is sleeping...when its our sleeping time,baba isn't home since im staying with them...they don have to worry about the bills,groceries n all.yes...i don mind.but...funny thing is..baba is checking through catalogue for new freezer.hehe...saba eh baba.i'll get u a new one before raya.insyaALLAH...

Friday, September 12, 2008


im losing my teeth!no!im soooo not ready to let it go...dramatic giler kan.sedramatic drama citer hantu yg sedang ditonton.

hari ni sempat buat kuih bahulu...well, just helping mk to fulfill her wishes.suma mak buat kuih waiting for my sis to come home then baru kitaong gerak gempur wat kuih2 oang2 muda nih.hehe...

nothing new in life...nak beli kad raya tuk anak murid pon kena mintak sponsor.I NEED MONEY!today, as i was teaching - alone - as always kalo masuk 1S...i made a silly announcement.heregoes..ESOK, SAPER YG BLEH EJAKAN SUNDAY SAMPAI SATURDAY PD TEACHER, DPT DUIT RAYA.
hei...suddenly i got reaction from the pupils.CIKGU NAK BAGI BAPER? as i was contemplating, i said 50 sen jer. n i heard replies...i repeat REPLIES YER!
ALA, 50 SEN JER.ha...i will not surrender to dis ind of kids eh. KALO AWK XNAK..CIKGU PON XNAK BAGI!HA...SAMBUNG SALIN!

n today, my pupils change my favret poem into javanese version!haha...haih.lotih botul.

well...dats my day today.dada....

Happy Eid Mubarak

Dapatkan Satu Di Sini - e-comment2u


2 months of teaching...felt sooooo tired bcoz i could not entertain myself.nothing is more precious than sleeping since xder duit nak treat myself.whats worst is probs dat keep coming that regards to MONEY!

i hate xkisah kalo ader oang nak pinjam duit - whenever i have the money,mesti sayer tlg tp skang ni oang yg suka nak pinjam duit oang tanpa kebenaran atau nama lain nyer MENCURI!isu duit sgt sensitif sampai ko boleh putus kwn.mcm mana xde duit sekali pon i would never steal from a friend apatah lg bila boleh memburuk kan nama kita - coz it involve third party.

im babling here sbb xpuas hati ngan hamba Allah sorang probs pop ups everyday...n dis is the worst for the week!


we are all in a journey
to find the perfect colour
to find the joy and happiness
and sumone to turn to
to go through the spinning wheel of life
to all my bestest bud - u know who u r - n my loves one…i love u guys and zillion of hug and kissess goes to u guys for making my life as it is today…..A COMPLETE WHOLE!


mak is sleeping beside me rite now....poor her.but she smiled during breakfast.n thanx to kak sue.really hope she can keep the smile

altough i barely shows how much i love you,pls believe me dat i do.i still don have the guts to tell u guys upfront how much i love d othman's.well...dats now how i raised.i know you both have been through a lot and insyaALLAH, i'll make use of the time left for me to be with you both.

whenever baba pick me up at school, rasa cam balik masa sekolah.bezanya....he never pick me up from school before.naik tooks longer than a car ride tp i cherish the talk while on road.i can't hear u most of the time pn...hehe.

i can only pray dat all your burden will be lighten cause me too is waiting for the end of it.pls hang on...pls..pls.NO MORE TEARS PLS..PLS...I NEED UR STRENGTH TO CONTINUE MY JOURNEY TO!

teacher....educating people not a brand (like my pupils tot dat mohan is a food) today i remembered the day i went for interview - that is about 6 years back.i told the interviewer the reason y i choose to be a teacher is because im looking forward for the challenge but i honestly said dat i wanted and hope and pray dat i can teach secondary students because im not good with children.not dat i don love them but i just donno how to deal with them...i broke down easily when they don listen to me and dat just made me feel SO ANGRY and i end up babling, giving them a bad side of teacher and arouse the hatred in them.

i tried to be be patient esp during this fasting month but they don get me!y??can't they stay put and listen and just do their work as told?y can't they do just that?one of my uncle is a secondary teacher..and he found out im teaching in primary school he just said how lucky am i.its is not as hard as those in secondary.well....i admit,my pupils don have discipline problem but i hate myself when im came home from school feeling so tired because 3 of my pupils cried when i ask them to stand outside the class when they giving me the same excuses...CIKGU!SAYER XBAWAK BUKU!dengan gaya sleepy - mata kuyu - tangan dan kepala atas meja.haih...what should i do?

i wish i can be a good teacher.its breaking my heart when one boy from my class said he hates me and he will sepak and lempang me whenever he have the chance.i just told him dat i'll make sure he hates for his entire i doin it right?ntah...they are very week in class...dahla lemah,suka bermain plak.if there no improvement,the seniors will blame me.they were left with no teachers for the last 4 months n there is nothing i could do to improve - sort of.

the tension increase bila budak dajah 3 from my class spell donkey with DONGKI.what will happen when they goes to year 4?suma budak level one are under my responsibility.

Thursday, September 11, 2008


ingatkan dapat la rehat bila bebudak xsekolah...emm,this is not actually a complaint but i really hate prosedures.especially when there are too many of them.ari selasa,telah menyusahkan baba untuk ke melaka utk uruskan elaun praktikal (demi untuk tidak membayar 3rat especially when you still have 120 left),maka aku tebalkan muka dok dlm keta tanpa mengeluarkan duit minyak walo father understands my situation.luv u baba!mmuahxs..

hari rabu...we receive a notice on preparing exams questions.i have to prepare questions for all level one pupils.baik...dats our job aku blur bila mana mereka kata,cikgu2 sek ni suka potostat je.senang...sek ni pyh skit kalo nak razo -hope i spell it right.baik...mana nak carik duit pototat sebyk 100 over pupils?bukan sehelai tau ketas soklan.they said not all of us can claim the money back..hei,dat doesnt sound right kan.mala nak pk dulu.kna settle the questions first.

back to formality and procedures....OFFER LETTER!its precious..we have to get it done by thursday - dat is today.kalo x..gaji bulan 3.tgh la busy confuse dgn sifat dr sendiri yg agak lemban when it comes to procedures and formality...akak kerani bleh plak kaik gempak tanya aku mana awk punya sijil?kalo xder sayer xleh process.awk dah konvo kan?....aku jwp ah sudah(hari konvo bukan la kenangan terindah aku)...dia plak reply,awk mohon pakai ijazah ke apa?..aku blur.kan dier tau aku amik B.ED.mestila degree tukan..aku pon jawab..a'ah,pakai degree..ha?degree?abih tu asal sini tulis ijazah?
weh?!xsama ke...aku malas nak lyn sbb migrain pk bila plak aku nak amik cert aku tuh.haih...
dtg arini..rupanya bleh jer kalo guna result.untuk tidak menghampakan puan kerani,aku tpaksa mintak tlg gg to collect it for is a gamble kan.full of drama.thanx gg...thats what frens are for kan.hehe...

im at to sleepy.siap tersengguk masa baca yasin.kasik alasan nak pg toilet pas abih baca yasin.huhuu...tgh carik soalan, taip nama pupils(which i should have done ages ago)..isi plak borang temuduga online.hmm...mmg rumit.hanya untuk sahkan jawatan sebagai GURU!
pas abih panitia yang karat n berhabuk tu plak nak duruskan.nak wat apa ngan fail kosong tuh?!no idea..

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

total FELICITY!!!

today...i go to school by car(mcm ayat dak dajah 3 kan).xper...yg penting, i don have to ride the bike for today.HAPPY!!! when i reach school..the surrounding is so quiet, as if its the school holiday but we have to come to give extra classes.well..maybe its bcoz the level one pupils is not around..HAPPY!!! since i teach only level one pupils.sgt free sampai ngantuk browsing through the net.browse and browse and browse and ooppsss...its 1 o'clock.i need to move..gone to melaka to sttling things regarding elaun praktikal yg tertangguh.

hope can get everything settle for the day...ah!lupa plak satu point penting.i got one good news.offer letter dah sampai.meaning to say...salary will be in soon!HAPPY! so happy that i smile when i sleep in the car.i only got nervous when i reach maktab when mr.segaran said he can't recall me (as expected)....luckily, he is a systematic and dedicated worker..maka terjumpa lah borang kehadiran ku.alhamdulillah....bila jumpa pn.fatimah, she was very soft spoken.langsung xsama mcm dalam fon.she sound sombong mcm pekerja maktab yg lain.well...dis a gud news to Aesha n me,in less than one hour everything is more worries about having to pay the 300!!!

cuma pelik ttg satu perkara.if its true bout what i heard from shark...she receive 2 months or one months ke xsure, elaun praktikal sbb satu form xder tandatangan.but we gave 2 months of our attendance sheet and we did not received a penny.y is dat?emmm..... is GREAT AND AWESOME!!!!
its all about the money...

Monday, September 08, 2008

i love holidays!

im looking forward for tomorrow...yay!all level 1 pupils will be on hols since the UPSR is starting tomorrow.walopon kena dtg ke sekolah juga...i could rest from doing the ABM and RPH.i could rest from dealing with children who can't stop talking and chasing each other.i could rest from getting angry ang hot tempered everytime i marked their books...yay! things that bothered me is just the fact that i had to ride to school.not that i MUST go to school by car...but i prefer to bawak moto sendiri rather than duduk kat belakang.i love the early breeze is so soothing and it makes me smile all the way to school.

school is better used to the environment.ikut cara Mdm.Khaliah,finish your class for the day, sit at your own table and do your work.get involve in a conversation only when you need to.tomorrow, im gonna beautify my class so we can win the prize..hehe.well...just to show that im not that lazy not to care bout my class.harapan tuk menang maybe zero to none sbb kelas yg berkongsi dgn bilik ABM mungkin dah sedia sesak.nothing much that i can do..

im more stable dis week...kesan air klorox dah abis.hehe..dah xsakit perut or pening2 lalat kerana being so cemerkap.


Sunday, September 07, 2008


xsalah kan kalo kita ader skit rasa envy dalam hati?huhu...if only i could turn back time,i choose to fix my AUGUST!


dedicate dis post to the newly weds....


ain & mus


anne & faiz

ewan & sue

shaz & fendi