Tuesday, May 15, 2012


byk benda yg BOLEH dcelebratekan bulan ni.tp kami hanya tsenyum sesama sendiri bila teringat tentang tarikh2 ini

29 april 2012 - adam is 2
1 mei 2012 - hari buruh(hari cuti) and our 3rd year anni
13 mei 2012 - hari ibu
16 mei - hari guru

esok mcm nak pg sek.mencari alasan utk release ketegagan.bleh?


i can't sleep.sbb adam kena gigit seekor nyamuk jahat membuatkan dia menangis.FYI..dia menangis menjerit.adik pon tjaga.huhu

so...i read an article entitled perancangan menjadi isteri n matlamat kita sebagai wanita muslimah atau isteri solehah la kan.yg initially dapat menyumbang kepada kemajuan ummah.

terus tfikir apa matlamat sy?
from primary, secondary n of course tertiary i always know im gonna or might be ateacher although i love to say that ONE DAY IM GONNA BE A DOCTOR.turns out im not good enough to be a doctor.im a mediacore. x cemerlang tp juga x gagal.
n now yes...im a teacher.i love teaching but i still - not to say fail but not yet touch anybody's heart.a great teacher could do that.maybe when i can control my temper better..i would be one too.

but what else?im not yet succeed as a murabbi...
belum juga cemerlang sebagau isteri kerana sy masih rasa perkahwinan kami masih baru.kami blom dpt selesaikan masalah komunikasi antara kami.n dat is major sbb kurang komunikasi menyebabkan kami kurang merancang masa depan.for now, we are going with the flow.masa depan meaning...rumah, financial etc.
we are facing financial difficulty now n not sure about 3 years from now apatah lg 20 thn akan datang.

again...apa matlamat sy?khasnya sbg muslim...
sy pernah dgr seorg pengacara tv Alhijrah kata - orang yg selalu mengeluh kebosanan ni, xder matlamat -
bleh dkatakan sy menjalani hidup by day.tp mengharungi hari dengan menanti apa yg akan blaku pd hari tsebut.bkn merancang...jd dah gagal mencari matlamat dsitukan?mcm mana dengan masa depan?masa depan sy sendiri?nak sambung blaja ke?terus jd guru biasa ke?then...what about anak2?haih...nak kata nak amik one step at a time, rasa mcm masa dah suntuk sgt dah.dek kerana gagal merancnag matlamat...byk yg telah sy bazirkan.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

cranky ain

haih...mind u.i have to start this entry with a sigh coz from 5 dis afternoon until this moment ain is still 'resah - xtentu-hala'
how eh?

im handling my newborn like i never have the experience.i feel like crying all the time n i lose my temper easily.n if i do...i tend to ignore her crying n shut down for a few sec.i noe its bad.i sound like an unfit mother but...ok there is no but coz yeah, baby cries.adam does not1i mean...he cried but not a lot like ain.adam was one calm baby.he woke up with a beautiful smile n he usually play on his own.

i know it unfair for me to differentiate both of them.it proves that no baby is alike.n i don have the experience handling cranky baby.n i donno how to explain to the babysitter that going to look after her when i go to work which is in less than 4 weeks.she doesnt have a routine.she refuse to obey to any routine!books always tells u dat parents are the one who should set routine for their baby...but if they don want to follow routine?but wait...she has routine!cry dat is.huhu

mood : numb!


i promise myself - walau apa pon jd, ain xkan dberi puting.tp dah bg.cumanya...she rejected it n cry louder sometimes.

Saturday, May 05, 2012

a mother of two!

im back in jawi.has been 2 weeks really n i can't believe how time flies.

it is not easy to take care n manage 2 babies alone.huhu...n since we got here, ain has turn into a cranky lil girl.she cries, sometimes for no reason (or i can't identified the reason).she barely sleeps during the day but she refuse to just lay on the mattress.unlike her bro..well, no baby is d same aite.so..im still figuring her.n maybe she does too.hehe..its ok.just make sure u grow up healthy mummy's precious!n dat include u Adam.

adam is still in denial.still asking 'who is dat baby?why is she on mummy's lap?dat's my spot!'
he cries when ain does.n cling on me whenever possible(when ain is asleep that is).so...he finds it hard to take his afternoon nap but luckily both throws their tantrums during d day n soundly asleep during the night.

so...i only manage to do house chores during the night or maybe early morning where things are more at ease sbb both of them wakes up a little late kan.i don like the tense..but im coping.hopefully...insyaAllah.as im typing this, there are two basket of laundry waiting to be fold n keep.mothers...how did u do it?!

n..i can't think about jalan2 or window shopping or even eating out.can't n won't put the blame on the babies.sementara nak tunggu ain adjust, apa salahnya ibu n abah spend more time together at home kan?maybe that way we can work on our communication skills.

muahxxxsss to my babies.ibu loves u so much!