post NO 50 - dis is how my holiday started

last friday, we had teacher's meeting.im so cemerkap, i can't help but to put myself in deeper tense.the police case's really affected my being at school.d guru besar gave lampoon statement about d case to me.saying how i was not ready to be d mother - yes, not to dat menace.tp i was not the homerun teacher for year 1.guru besar doesnt know pasal aku ni homerun teacher tuk tahun tiga.bukankah aku jemput dier menjamu nasik ayam di kelas?!my kids was really good.xpernah pon ader masalah.cukup2la dengan pandangan sinis dr gpk mengatakan dier pening memikirkan hal yg berlaku di sekolah n fobia tgk budak nakal...i cried inside.people saw me smiling without knowing how scared dis 4 monts old teacher.i was really devastated.pls people, i neva tot those kind of things is gonna happen.

in addition to the above pandangan serong statement kindda look, i've made one more mistake.haih...bad omen neva what to leave me just yet.one my girls is moving to a nearby school next year.she was one of the brightest in class.syg sekali...gpk telah berpesan bahawa aku perlu menyiapkan fail peribadinya untuk dier bawa ke sekolah baru.i define that instruction as complete the file and give it to her.and so i did...and plus another sarcastic look plus not talking to me.i was supposed to wait for the mother to come and pick it up and officially take her daughter out of the school.i feel like cursing and found no suitable words to define my feeling.subhanallah....sorry wan, i know i carried ur integrity but now its personal.cikgu, im nothing like my brother.he is a great teacher but im still learning and pls believe me i can do better if u just give me another chance.

owh...next year, im gonna teach year 1 and 2 and that is 4 classes in total.alhamdulillah.

im off to shah alam accompanying my sis for her CNI meeting.i was mentally tired.we were lost last nite.after 30 min wandering around glan marie, i pretending dat i was sleeping.i hate the tense and impatient.better doze off rite?half and hour later, we end at tesco with my sis's fren calling for his fren.hey!naer xcall earlier?i stayed in the car for one hour waiting the meeting to end.mind you,it was 12 am.and he brought us to a mamak stall talking more with his fren about CNI.aku xminat la weh.xpyhla nak persuade.aku buat muka stress.n bagi stress tempat keje as the alasan.eh...dier sambung plak promote product lain.haih...kol 3 baru sampai umah.flat..

not a gud way to start d holiday that we have been waiting for kan?i know all dugaan n hikmah is one of the way for ALLAH to show HIS love for us.everyday we preech kita serahkan hidup dan mati kita pada NYA,and dis is small kan.ALLAH xkan uji kita kalo DIA tau kita xmampu.i know i really need to be strong and more focus at work.saat ni buat aku teringat pasal mdm.low.we need to double check on anything, everything.take note...jot everything down.even a short msg.to be a teacher is not easy especially when ur superior has lost the trust.i believe dis is temporary.with all your support and doa, INSYA-ALLAH, i can get through dis.thank you all.

p/s - aku tengok sjak kematian and it really catched me.sangat sakit.terkesan...byk yg perlu kita buat tp berkesempatan kah kita?kalau esok tibanya ajal?kwn2, marilah kita bersedia menghadapi peperiksaan agung di alam barzakh.dan semoga kita selamat di dunia n akhirat.